This analysis of Katie's (pseudonym) writing and spelling development is based on the rough draft of a short story about a treasure hunt and her spelling inventory.
Katie's short story is about finding a treasure map, following it, and discovering gold at the end. While Katie told me that she loves to make up stories in her head, she also told me that she doesn't view herself as a "good writer." Katie was proud of several elements in her story, but stated that she is primarily motivated by a desire to set a mood of mystery or suspense in her writing. Katie clearly modeled the protagonist on herself. Katie's story began with the main character waking one morning with a sense of foreboding but dramatically switched gears after a treasure map was discovered. Katie tried several times to use a sense of foreboding in her story, but couldn't quite seem to make it fit in with her main storyline.
Six Traits
Ideas & Content
Katie's idea for her story -- a mysterious treasure hunt -- was good but incompletely executed. While her story stayed on topic for the most part, it meandered off in parts. Katie also could have included much more detail and personalization. In one part of the story, she is traveling through states marked on the map, but we don't get a very good sense of what any of this part of her journey is like. The journey ends up feeling like the trajectory line drawn on a map in movies. You pass though many places, but don't stop or linger at any one of them. Katie's story has a good foundational idea that could be expanded.
Organization
Katie's story would benefit from some organzational work. She may have found it easier to focus if she had defined a title for her story and worked on an idea map of some kind. Her transitions sometimes work, but her lead feels completely disconnected from the body of her story. In her first paragraph, the main character wakes up at home with a sense of foreboding, eats breakfast, and feels quite sick. In the next paragraph, she discovers a treasure map in a bottle and heads off on a treasure hunt. Her story generally moves along the treasure hunt theme, but in an "and then" way that sometimes only loosely connects ideas.
Voice
I can feel Katie really trying to find a way to impart a sense of mystery in this piece, but in a way that's disconnected from her main story line. For instance, while she's traveling through the states on the map, she eats some food and it makes her sick. This anecdote doesn't support the story. These interjections distract from Katie's purpose, leaving the reader a bit confused.
Word Choice
Katie's word choice and phrasing is mainly basic and functional. However, she has some nice touches in her writing. I particularly liked the language she used to describe the treasure map. "It was as soft as old leather," Katie writes, "but on the other side it as as rough as sandpaper." In another part of her story, she colorfully describes arriving in Alaska as though through chattering teeth. "I-i-i-t's s-s-s-o c-c-cold."
Sentence Fluency
Katie's sentences are largely adequate and generally correctly structured, but could do more to support the story. In places, her "and then" style of telling events lends itself to overuse of connectors and rambling sentences. "I enjoyed the food I was eating until I began to feel sick then I heard the doorbell ring." At other times, sentences feel abrupt and the reading feels choppy. "I heard so many languages. I ate so many different foods. Some of the food made me sick." A few sentences, though,are expressive, such as the description of the cold mentioned when discussing word choice.
Conventions
With a little work, this piece could be revised to be conventionally correct. Katie seems to have a bit of difficulty matching verb tense correctly. "I thought if I eat some food, I'd feel better," she writes in one place. In another she writes, "I open the door and saw a bottle." Punctuation and capitalization is generally correct, and some paragraphing is present. Spelling is quite good, with only a handful of misspellings in her four page draft. Most of these involved doubling a consonant, such as "runing" for running and "carefuly" for carefully.
Spelling
The results of Katie's spelling inventory place her in the late within word pattern phase of the developmental continuum (Bear & Barone, 1989). The majority of her misspelled words occurred in this section and included "surving," "cattel," and "plesher." Katie clearly has not yet had much, if any, experience with affixes or bases and roots. Katie wrote "slevies"for civilize and "confend" for confident. In her writing sample, the most common misspelling involved consonant doubling, as mentioned in my discussion of conventions. On the spelling inventory, however, all the double consonant words were correctly spelled or contained the doubled consonant, including shopping, "cattel" (cattle), and "carrires"(carries). I am not sure exactly what to make of this, except perhaps thoughts were flying fast when she was writing her story, and she was simply writing too fast.
Conclusion
As stated in my introductory paragraph, Katie expresses a strong preference for mysterious or suspenseful writing. I believe if she spent more time organizing her ideas, she could experience more success injecting a sense of mystery in her writing. Her floundering for direction at times impacted her ability to successfully flesh out ideas. She has the beginnings of an engaging story with some creative sparks. I would work with her on organization, with a focus on leads. A story's lead is what propels it forward, and since Katie's lead and storyline weren't well connected, exploring how leads draw readers in, make them want to know more, and bridge ideas (Spandel & Culham, 1994, p. 3) might help her restructure the entire piece.
Lesson Plan
Objective
Student will understand the elements of a lead that draw the reader in and set the stage for the story.
Standards
EALRs:
- 1.3. Revises to improve text.
- 4.1.1. Analyzes and evaluates writing using established criteria.
- Identifies professional authors styles and techniques (e.g., word choice, introductions, endings, points of view).
- 4.1.2. Analyzes and evaluates own writing using established criteria.
Samples of well-written and engaging leads, eg. Because of Winn-Dixie by DiCamillo and Your Name in Gold, by A.F. Baumann. Samples of peer written leads, such as from previous years' students. Student's rough draft to examine. Writer's notebook or paper, pencil.
Instructional Strategies
In a writing conference with the student, read several mentor text leads. Together, construct a list of characteristics found in the leads that make you want to read more, such as action, description, sound effects, and dialogue. Discuss what it is about the mentor text leads that sets up the story and makes you want to read more.
Select one or more samples of student writing (such as from past years' students) that could use editing for teacher facilitated editing. Together with student, examine lead(s) and edit them to include elements you discovered after reading the mentor texts in previous step. Discuss how leads provide direction for the rest of the story and how changing the lead can change the whole story.
Once student seems to get the hang this, have her try editing one of her own leads. Have her analyze how (if) her revisions affect the rest of her story. Does it make what follows more compelling? Is the remainder of the story now in need of revision?
Assessment
Teacher will assess student understanding of how an engaging leads grab the reader by listening for accurate descriptions of the elements of a good lead and looking for incorporation of these elements in student's revision of own writing.
